DAPHNE WHITEHOUSE IS ONE OF MORE TO LIFE’S JEWELS AND HAS HAD AN ARTICLE FEATURED IN EVERY EDITION SINCE THE EARLY DAYS. WHEN SHE TOLD ME A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO THAT SHE HAD BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BREAST CANCER, I COULD HAVE FELL OFF MY CHAIR! THIS WISE, WONDERFUL WOMAN WHO SEEMED SO IN CHECK WITH HERSELF AND HER LIFE? HOW COULD IT BE POSSIBLE?  DAPHNE WANTED TO KEEP A JOURNAL OF HER EXPERIENCES TO SHARE WITH MORE TO LIFE READERS IN THE HOPE THAT SHE COULD INSPIRE EVERY ONE OF US TO CHECK OUR BREASTS REGULARLY AND NOT TO IGNORE ANYTHING UNUSUAL.

Here begins her honest account of a terrifying time in her life;

I got out of bed, just another normal morning and did the usual breast test which I have done every morning since I had a lump which turned out to be a cyst and about a year or two after that another lump which I waited for 6 weeks to get an appointment at the hospital. Then on the very morning of the appointment the lump had disappeared over night.  Ever since then I have made it a morning routine of checking my breasts.

This morning I feel a lump that wasn’t there the day before. Maybe it is a swollen gland. I will give it a while to see if it goes down. I feel it there for the next three weeks thinking it may disappear like the previous one. But it doesn’t.  I guess I had better go and see the doctor just in case. She will probably tell me it is just a swollen gland.

I go to the doctor today and she examines me and says “yes I can feel a small lump there. I am surprised you didn’t come to see me before and not wait three weeks.” So I explain about the previous times and she says “So you were hoping it would disappear again like the last one?”  Yes I was. “Well I am going to contact the hospital and you should have an appointment from them in the next two weeks. If you don’t hear from them get in contact with me and I will chase them up.” I thought she would say it was a swollen gland. Still I expect she has to play on the safe side.

It is a week since I saw the doctor. I have received a letter with an appointment for a mammogram and one to see a specialist afterwards. Oh, I suppose the one for the specialist is just in case it is some sort of lump and not a swollen gland.

I arrive at the hospital and have the mammogram not giving it too much thought. After all it is probably just a swollen gland and I won’t have to keep the appointment with the specialist. I wait outside after the mammogram for the results. Then I am called and they say they want to do an ultra sound. Oh, okay I had an ultrasound before and it turned out to be a cyst. They just put a needle in and drew off the fluid and hey presto the lump was gone. It is probably the same this time. Yeah, sure it is.

I heard them say, “We need to do an ultrasound as the mammogram wasn’t very clear.” Okay, fine. When I had a mammogram done before they just ran the machine over my breast.  Now the doctor is starting to bring in below the breast, down the side of my arm, down around my back. Bloody hell what is going on? Do they think this is a cancer and that it is a secondary cancer and they are looking for where it is coming from?  No, I am just being silly it is nothing.  “ Well it seems as if the mammogram didn’t pick it up but the ultrasound is definitely picking up a lump, we will need to do a biopsy.”  Oh shit, still it doesn’t have to be anything. Although all along deep down I have felt that this lump felt different from the other two.  The doctor says “I have to warn you that there is a slight chance whether we go in from the bottom or the top, of puncturing the lung. It has never happened yet but I do have to warn you that there is that slight chance. So if you feel your breathing change and getting worse let us know straight away.” Bloody hell, that sounds great. Thanks a lot.  I ask if as they have to wait for the results of the biopsy does that mean I don’t have to keep the appointment with the specialist?  “Oh no, you still need to keep that appointment as he will explain what we have found so far.  You must keep the wound covered for 48 hours and wear a good supporting bra for the next 48 hours non- stop.”   Okay, it is probably just some sort of a lump but nothing else. Surely it can’t be anything serious.

I am now in with the specialist. “Well looking through the papers we are a little confused. We discussed your case over lunch today.”  Oh that’s nice, what the hell does that mean, discussed it over lunch?  “Nothing showed up on the mammogram but they put a warning on it. We have decided that in our opinion it is cancer. However the biopsy has the final word.  I am sorry it is bad news.  However the good news is that we have caught it early.”  My husband asks the specialist, (I think as a way of trying not to believe what he had just heard) “are you sure it isn’t a cyst”?

“Yes we are certain it isn’t a cyst, a cyst would have shown up on the ultrasound. Any members of your family had cancer?”

“Yes, my father died of cancer, my mother had breast cancer and died of cancer and my brother died of cancer”.

Fuck cancer.  If he is saying that it is cancer, he wouldn’t say that and put me through that without being pretty sure of his facts.  I can’t fucking believe this. All the work that I do and have done on myself. How the fuck can I end up with cancer? Shit. Hold on, hold on, he said that the final word rests with the biopsy.  Ok so it doesn’t mean it is cancer for sure until they get the results of the biopsy. But would he really say the word cancer to me unless he was pretty sure. I don’t think so.

Jesus I have to wait a week now to have the final result.  Do I tell my in-laws? No I won’t say anything  – my mother in law has had two strokes and it wouldn’t do her any good. I say to my husband “I don’t think I had better say anything to your mum and dad until we get the results of the biopsy” he agrees. Then later he says “I think they would be annoyed if we didn’t tell them”.  Shit, how do you tell someone that you have just been told you may have breast cancer?  Whatever way I tell them it is going to be a shock. I am still in shock myself. I just can’t believe it.

What about my daughter? God do I tell her she is so far away living in Korea? I don’t know what to do for the best.  After thinking about it for awhile I have decided not to tell her at least not until I know the results of the biopsy.  No need to worry her when I may be given the all clear. Yeah, I will wait until then and then I don’t have to say anything.

We call in to see my in laws to tell them. God how do you start to tell someone that you have cancer?  Mum keeps flapping around doing things and my husband says to her, “when are you going to sit down?   Daphne has something serious to speak to you about”.

“I have been to the hospital today and they said that they think I have breast cancer but the final word rests with the biopsy which I have to wait for the results”. They are shocked.  Then they start saying “you will be alright, you caught it early etc”.

None of my friends can believe it. They all say they are sure it will be alright and expect I will get the all clear. Anyway just because it is cancer it doesn’t mean that it is malignant.

The hospital phoned me this morning with an appointment to go and get the results of the biopsy.  I don’t think it can be good news, I don’t think hospitals usually phone you with an appointment. They usually put it in the post to you. Maybe I am wrong as I  haven’t had much contact with hospitals for quite a while.  Maybe this is the norm nowadays, I don’t know. Anyway I have got an appointment to get the results.  It is that word cancer it swirls around in my head. I try to stay positive and hope that I will get the all clear. I am feeling so cold, like ice running through my veins. I think I will have a bath to warm me up. Oh hell I can’t, I can’t take the bra off, have to wear it non- stop for 48 hours. So I decided to fill a hot water bottle and go to bed and try to warm myself up.

My friend who is a homeopath is sending me a remedy to help me and to help remove the shock from my system. My sister phones and says she is ordering me some Essiac tea. So those are on the way to help me. Also several friends have asked if they can send me absent healing. Anyway everyone is being very good to me and I am being sent lots of healing from everywhere.  I have even sent lotus petals from a powerful ceremony in an ashram in India from one of my soul group.

I am being offered lots of support, love and healing from everyone. It is really very touching.

Now my family are trying to do everything for me.  For Gods’ sake I haven’t become useless over night. I am just as capable of doing things as I was before this happened.  For Gods’ sake would they just let me get on and do things? Ok when I come out of hospital then I will need help but not now, it just annoys me now.  I feel worse when they do that.  Yeah, I know they are just trying to help and they probably feel useless as there is nothing they can do to take it away. They care for me and they just want to fix it. However they can’t and doing everything for me just isn’t helping my emotions.

I try and keep my mind busy during the day. Sometimes it hits me, shit breast cancer. What do I think?  It must be or they wouldn’t have said that, they wouldn’t say it and worry me without being pretty sure. Yeah but they have to wait for the result of the biopsy. Had a few tears. What if I don’t make it?  What if it is cancer and it has spread?  Now stop thinking like that, I know all this body mind stuff, I teach it all the time, so I know what to do. A few of my friends say Louise Hay cured herself of cancer so you can do it. Yeah I know, of course I can.  Strange that I should have met her last September!

What have I missed in the work I have done on myself to create this?  I look it up in Louise’s book. Cancer is resentment but breast cancer is about nurturing. Nurturing others more than yourself. I have changed a hell of a lot over the years but obviously I need to do more work and change more. This has happened for a reason and there is a bigger picture to it all that I can’t see yet. I have over the years done the releasing anger and resentment, there could obviously be more there than I haven’t hit upon yet.

Today is the day and I am hoping for the best to get the all clear. “ Your results of the biopsy are back and did the specialist explain to you last week what he thought of it?”

“Yes: I reply. “What did he tell you? “

“That he thought it was cancer”.

“ Well  yes,  as we thought that is the result of the biopsy.”

“So what are you saying?  It is cancer?”

“Yes” we are sorry.

“Fuck, fuck, I wasn’t expecting this.  One part was and another part wasn’t. I wanted to believe I would get the all clear. So what happens now”?

“Well I will make an appointment for you to come in to have an operation to remove the lump. We can’t say if it has spread until we operate. However at the same time we will remove a few lymph nodes from under your arm to test to see if it has spread. If  they are not affected great, if they are then we will have you back in straight away and remove all the lymph nodes as a precaution so it doesn’t go any further.  Either way you will probably need a course of radiotherapy on the breast just to make sure that all the affected cells are killed. If we find it has spread you will probably need chemo.”

Oh that fucking word, chemo. I hate the fucking thing. It ruins the organs in your body. No fucking way am I having chemo. I know that is just my opinion of chemo, my family think differently about it.  I would rather take my chances. Then he made the appointment for me to go in for the operation on April 6^th.  Then I was sent to see the cancer nurse who talked me through the whole thing again. She gave me her mobile number in case I wanted to talk to her at any time and had any questions that came up later.

All the possible scenarios keep going through my head.  What if, what if and what if.  The good news is they have caught it early, yeah but what if they haven’t? What if I was right when they did the ultrasound and they think this is a secondary cancer and they were searching for where it originated? What do I tell my daughter, should I tell her? Hell she is so far away I don’t want her to be worried.

My God such a feeling of fear came over me today. Not of the cancer but what if I don’t survive the operation. I can’t believe I am feeling such fear about coming through the operation. Why am I feeling this fear?  I have never had any fear about operations before. Mind you, I will be 61 this year and I have only ever had 2 operations. I have only been in hospital three times. Once when I was 12 when I nearly died and I was in there for a month or two. Then to have a cyst removed from above my eye when I was 13. The other time was when my daughter was born.  Why am I feeling this terrible fear?

My family and friends are all being very kind and supportive and have been right from the start of this. However today it just got to me. I know they are just trying to put my mind at rest, but this constant saying “you will be alright, you will be alright”. It is just getting on my fucking nerves now. I told my husband that I don’t want to talk about it anymore today.  How the fuck can people say I will be alright, they don’t know, they don’t have any guarantees.  They haven’t got a fucking clue. So would they just shut up.

I have decided to do a Byron Katie on it  (for those who don’t know who Byron Katie is I suggest you google her and find out about her) and I am just looking at the facts. The facts are that I have breast cancer, they are going to operate and can’t say exactly what is what until they operate. It might have spread, it might not. When the operation is over they can say what treatment I will need. So there are the facts.  Why build a story around it all? Building a story around it all just causes stress and tension and fear.  So I am just going to go with the facts. That’s it.

I still don’t know what to do about my daughter. Should I tell her or not?  I will think about it over the next few days and decide. I think she would probably want to know and yet because she is so far away I don’t want to upset her.  Well I am off to Liverpool to stay with a friend and do the Moonstone Festival and run an Inner Child Workshop so I will think about it then.

This fear of not coming through the operation keeps coming back and taking me over from time to time.  God, I know it is only a million in one chance that I would died during the operation but if that happened my daughter would never forgive everyone for not telling her.  That wouldn’t be fair on her I will have to tell her, though I dread having to tell her. She has a right to know.

Had a lovely time up in Liverpool with my friend and she gave me a lovely long treatment.  It was nice to just get away for a few days and almost completely forget about it all. Now I am back I have to decide when and how to tell my daughter. I decide to send her a message asking her to arrange a time that we can talk. When I told her she went into shock which was only natural. I felt so bad having to tell her this news. I try to reassure her and tell her that they said they had caught it early.  The poor girl is in a state. Later she sends me an e-mail asking me to send her all the details and exactly what they had said.

Get a message back from her today saying she felt a little better about it all after reading my e-mail. Thank God for that. I just want to put my arms around her to comfort her. She is so far away from home.  Now I have become aware that the fear I had about not coming through the operation has disappeared since I told her. I realise now it was all about letting her know just in case I didn’t pull through. It wasn’t about me pulling through the operation at all but how it would affect her if she hadn’t been told.

My husband has good days and bad days but today I just told him I am sorry but I just can’t console him. I am using all my strength to deal with my own emotions at the moment. I haven’t got the strength to support anyone else just now. He said he understood and didn’t expect it from me. He wanted to support me as best he could.  I know he is having a hard time coming to terms with it as well. I know how I felt when I heard the news about my  father, my mother, my brother and various friends.

People keep saying “stay positive, stay positive”. The one thing I have learnt over the years is that we need to work through our negative emotions before we can move on to be and stay positive. This was really put across to me when the film The Secret came out. There were people seeing this film for the first time and it was a completely new concept to them and they actually thought from watching the film that no matter what happened to them they had to stay positive. I had people coming to me who were suddenly suffering from depression and others having panic attacks. This was all because they were suppressing their negative emotions and trying to stay positive.  Bloody hell, how can someone be positive when they have just been told that they have cancer?

Today I went for my pre- op. More forms to fill in and then wait to see someone. Called in and had history taken. Had blood pressure on right arm and then on left arm.  Then had pressure in ear taken. Then blow into a container to test my lung capacity. Weighed, height taken, and then for MRSA a swab first in my mouth, then up my nose and then in the groin. Bloody hell, I didn’t think that would be done. Shows how little I know about hospitals these days.  Then was asked if I snored. “Yes” I reply honestly.

“How bad?”

“Very bad” I answer even more honestly.

“How bad is very bad?”

“Well let me put it this way, when I sleep with friends they get up and go into another room”.

“Oh that isn’t very nice”.

I think to myself, “yeah it is alright for you to say that but you haven’t slept with me!”

Then back to the waiting room until I get called and have a blood test done and an ECG. More waiting until I see the doctor. History taking again and lots of questions etc then checked over and finally listened to my chest while I breathe deeply. Then I can go home, yeah.

A friend phoned me while I was still in bed having a lay in. My voice was quite hoarse and she thought it was my husband who had answered.

I joke, “now it is a breast operation I am going in for not a bloody sex change”. Today hasn’t been so bad emotionally.

Spoke to a friend today who is recovering from cancer and she said that having cancer is a lonely place to be.  She understood that sometimes you just want to tell everyone to sod off and leave you alone. Her words were to ‘shut yourself away on a desert island’. No one really knows what you are feeling.  I realise I was experiencing one side of my emotions when my father, mother, brother and several friends had been told that they had cancer. Now I am on the other side of the emotions and experiencing it from that point. Yes, a big bloody difference.

My emotions have been all over the place today. Started off the day well and then saw a programme on television about cancer. One man was talking about his wife who had breast cancer and she was giving the all clear and then two years later she died. It had been in her spine and they didn’t know about it. That really set me off and I had a good cry on and off for the rest of the day.  So much for me thinking I had come to a place of acceptance. That’s a laugh. Calling this journal my dance with breast cancer sounds about right. I didn’t want to call it my fight with breast cancer as there is enough fighting going on in the world without me adding to it. Dance is about right thought, some days it is a waltz, others a fox trot, others a quick step and then other days the tango. More like a bloody tangle of emotions.

Received a package from a friend today with some of her home made chocolate truffles.  Ahhhh they are delicious. Just what I needed some comfort food.

A friend came over to see me today and she gave me healing and some other therapy. Unlike me, I didn’t really drift off during either of them. Although I am not consciously thinking about the situation it is obviously playing on the sub-conscious mind stopping me from relaxing fully. Another friend called in and offered to take me tomorrow to see Steven Turoff the psychic surgeon. One part of me would like to go and the other part of me just feels so exhausted I can’t be bothered. So I have decided not to go. Whether it is the right decision or not I don’t know but it feels like the right decision at this moment in time. Received a package today from another friend with some remedies and some Cd’s with music that I like, a crystal and a nice card with one of her special affirmations. That was nice. Friends are being so nice sending me cards, crystals, cd’s and remedies.

The day for the op is getting closer. In one way I feel that is good as it is the next step. Then another part of me thinks “Oh God I then have to wait for the results from the tests on the lymph nodes.  What if they are infected and the cancer has spread?”

I arrive for the operation on Tuesday morning at 7.00a.m.  Mr Frecker the surgeon came to see me with some students. He explained to them that I had found the lump and that this was a case where the mammogram had not picked up the lump but that there was something there and so they did an ultrasound.  They said they wanted me down in theatre by 9.45am.  So when I got down there I thought “well this is it”. However they got me on a very narrow bed underneath a very large camera and took pictures of my breast from above and then with my arm outstretched from the side after injecting in a dye which seemingly highlights the area where the cancer is.  It took about 20 minutes. I had a quick glance at the screen which was over at the side and I saw two blue blobs. I thought maybe one is the nipple and the other one the cancer.  I thought I was then going for the op but they sent me back to the ward and I had to wait for another hour.

Went down to the theatre and they said they were putting the needle in the front of my hand that it would hurt a little.  I thought this is a real letting go. I am having to completely trust these people who are complete strangers to me with my life. I thought what it must feel like for people who are giving the lethal injection. Well the needle did hurt a little but the vein wouldn’t take it, so then they said they would have to put it in my arm and that would hurt even more. It did and then that didn’t take either. So they tried another place in my arm and then I think they tried another and finally they found a vein that was suitable. “You will feel a sensation in your arm and then a nasty taste at the back of your throat and then you will drift off into a nice sleep.”

The next thing I knew was hearing a voice saying “Daphne the operation is over.” I gradually came back into the recovery room and then a nurse came down for me. She said “I must apologise to you as I came down earlier to get you and I really frightened you, you really jumped.” I certainly didn’t remember it.

Bloody hell my arm is painful.  Oh shit, it is so painful to try and position myself in the bed and of course no one can help as they can’t touch the right hand side. The breast doesn’t feel painful it is the arm where they took the lymph nodes from that is causing all the pain.  I have a saline drip in my other arm and a tube for oxygen in my nose. They are taking my blood pressure on a regular basis.  Just been to the loo and my wee is a bright blue. They said that would happen because of the dye they injected into me beforehand and they also injected more dye in while I was having the operation to show up the lymph nodes.

Didn’t sleep very well as had to sit up and whenever I got out of bed to go to the toilet it was really painful trying to get settled in bed again.  I had taken the pain killers at tea time but I didn’t take the ones they offered me in the evening and maybe I should have done. When the nurse came round with the tablets this morning she said I should take them anyway as I will benefit from them as I will have to do exercises to help prevent frozen shoulder and the exercises may make the pain worse.  So, best to take the painkillers to avoid the pain altogether. Later the nurse came to bathe the wound and dress it. Bloody hell it looks a long scar I didn’t expect it to be that long.

“Surely a small lump doesn’t warrant such a long scar?” I ask her.

The nurse replies “Oh no, that is a thread”

“Oh thank God for that. Looks like I also have a nice blue and yellow breast”.

Had a visit from the physiotherapist who explained to me the exercises I need to do to get my arm going again and to prevent frozen shoulder.  She also gave me a leaflet to read with diagrams of the exercises. Then I was told I could go home later today but I would need to see the breast care nurse before I went. She arranged for me to come back on Monday to have the wound inspected and an appointment made for me to get the results from the lymph nodes. Then it will be decided for definite what treatment I will need.

Nice to be home again although seems strange to me as I feel restricted in movement. Lots of good wishes from family and friends and people all sending healing etc.  My mother in law said she will cook a dinner each evening for me which is very nice of her.  So we went up there tonight and then came back home. I went to bed about 8.00p.m. Just felt very tired.  When I scratch lightly above the wound it echoes like it is hollow. So funny.

I am glad the operation is over. This morning I have different feeling and emotions. It is just hitting me now that I just can’t believe I am going through this. I can’t believe this is happening to me. It is just disbelief really. Funny, thinking about it I would of thought that these feelings would have come about at the beginning more so then now. Obviously this is how it is for me and all the various feelings are probably different for each individual person that goes through this experience. Though when I think about it now is probably the time, as before I was in shock.

Back to the hospital today to have the dressing removed from the wound. That nurse who said that it was just a thread was completely wrong.  It is a scar. Bloody hell I didn’t think it would be that long. It looks like it is going from one side of my breast to the other.  Why did they have to make it so long for a little lump? Or maybe those blue blobs I saw on the screen were both lumps.  Did they find more in there than was thought at first?  Have also being given an appointment for the 21^st to get the results of the lymph nodes. It is all this waiting and not knowing that is frustrating.  Also I find it very frustrating not being able to do a lot and having to rely on others to do things for me.

I woke up this morning with a very strong feeling that alright some women will read this journal and start to check themselves on a regular basis. Then there will be others, especially younger women who may let it go over their head.  Very important that I must take pictures of the breast and the condition it looks in now, as for some women seeing the results will be enough to make them check themselves.  What? Bloody hell I don’t want my boob on show for all and sundry to see. The more I thought about it the more I thought well if it helps one person then it is worth it.  I took a few pictures myself which it was very hard to do with one hand. So when a friend came around today to give me healing I asked her to take some photos for me. It is not the sort of thing I would normally do – expose my boob to the world, however it is in a very good cause and it is a very important cause, so I am doing it.

At the moment looking at my boobs is like looking at a white person standing beside a sunburnt Asian.  Actually a sunburnt Asian who has being in a fight. All the yellow has gone and it has turned a dark brown. I am doing the exercises each day and my arm has got quite a bit more movement in it, although it is still sore. Now I have more movement I can see that where I thought the pain was coming from under the arm where they took the lymph nodes from it isn’t there at all. At the end of the scar across the breast is where the muscle comes down from the arm and it feels like the muscle has been cut.

Well today is the day I get the results. Hell! Two of the doctors are stranded abroad because of the volcano incident so they are running over forty minutes late. It feels like you are just at the finishing line and then find out you have another mile to run. In the end they are over an hour late. Got called in and told that the cancer hasn’t spread. Thank God. However I will have to have radiotherapy and maybe hormone treatment. He also confirmed what I had thought that there were two lumps. Then I was examined and had to have blood drained from the wound. The doctor said that it would be much more comfortable for me once he drained the blood off. Well it certainly is. I didn’t realise that that the pressure was building up and pressing on the end of the scar which is where all the pain was coming from. My arm has so much more movement now. Fantastic.

When we came out my husband said “I am over the moon, that is just fantastic news. I am surprised that you are not excited”.

I reply “you know what,  I am just too tired to feel excited. It is as if all the tension and anxiety building up to this has just hit into my body now and I just feel so exhausted”.

A friend gave me a session of Theta over the telephone this morning and later on in the day another friend called to see me and she gave me some healing. Felt tired later. Essiac Tea, Homopathic remedies, Flower remedies, vibrational remedies, healing, theta, reflexology, one blessing and lots of absent healing apart from my meditation, visualization and affirmations. I don’t feel I can take on any more at the moment. That’s besides up and down the hospital. You get my drift. Don’t get me wrong I do appreciate it all and am grateful for it all. In fact I am having so much healing that at the end of it all I might have a few spare boobs!!!

It was great news yesterday and what a relief to know that it hasn’t spread. However today I have just felt exhausted. Went to bed during the day and slept for a few hours. The hospital phoned with the next appointment in a weeks time to see the oncologist to discuss the treatment I am going to have.

I have noticed since I was told about the cancer that as a passenger in a car I am getting really jumpy.  Just can’t seem to help it.

It is six days now since I was last at the hospital. This morning I phoned the nurse to say my breast has swollen and I think it needs to be drained again. She said to call in and see her tomorrow after seeing the oncologist.

I saw the oncologist’s assistant about the radiotherapy treatment. He said they would start in about two weeks but that was before I told him I had to have the breast drained after seeing him. Said they could give me hormone treatment as well as radiotherapy but that goes on for five years and for the extra benefit I would get from it they don’t think it is worth putting me through that. It would only add about another 2% to the chances of it not coming back again.  The radiotherapy will give an 84% chance. The side effects are fatigue, the breast may swell and get very red, the radiation can affect the top part of the lungs so may affect breathing. The breast will probably change in size and will not go back to its normal shape. As my brother would say – would you rather have all that or be dead?  Puts it in perspective doesn’t it. It is so true thought isn’t it? Makes it seem very simple.

Don’t know about him saying that the boob might get bigger or smaller. Looking in the mirror now it is already got smaller. One seems to be heading south while the other appears to be heading north.

So then to the nurse to have my breast drained.

“Well that was the hoped for ending but didn’t turn out that way”

“Hell” the nurse took one look at it and said “I will have to call the man himself”  – meaning Mr Frecker the surgeon.

So he came in and said “you have had a haemorrhage in the breast. I will have to cut it open and get all the blood out”.

Seemingly  if it happens it is just shortly after surgery but this is a delayed one. So as it was unusual he called for certain people to come and look and watch as to what he was doing. One of the nurses said to me, “you must have been in a lot of pain?”

I said “no,  I didn’t have any pain just a little soreness”.

She kept saying she could not understand why I didn’t have any pain.

He took the scalpel and said “now watch this, if you are opening a fresh wound this is the way to do it so it doesn’t hurt the patient. “That didn’t hurt did it? “

“No”.  After a while though as he cut more I did start to feel it. It wasn’t too bad thought as it just felt like if you cut yourself with a razor blade.   Not that I go around cutting myself with razor blades but I have done it a few times by accident. Then the blood poured out and as I was lying down it ran down my neck and back. They got me to sit up and cleaned me up and had to do it four times before it was completely finished. Once all the blood was out they then squirted saline into it to wash it out a couple of times. So have to phone the nurse this morning and according to what she thinks as I describe it to her I will have to go back to the hospital either today or tomorrow. What a drag.

The nurse said to go up to the hospital to see her this morning which I did. She said it was draining nicely and changed the dressing and gave me some dressings for me to do it myself each day until I go back to see her next Wednesday morning.

A lot of blood seemed to come out of the wound during the night. Maybe I am lying on it during the night and squeezing it. I think it might be best if I try going to sleep sitting up in bed again like I did when I came home after the operation.

Have tried sleeping sitting up now for a few nights but it is still bleeding a lot and I am not getting a very good sleep at night. Never mind, I am going back to the hospital tomorrow so will see what the nurse has to say. The wound looks like part of the inside is coming out at the moment.

Saw the nurse this morning and she said she needed to use a caustic stick to put on the wound so it will stop it from protruding. Otherwise it will heal like that and will look peculiar. I told her about sleeping sitting up and she said it didn’t matter if I rolled on it during the night. If I squashed it, it would be alright as it would probably help it to clear out quicker. She changed the dressing for me and gave me more dressings to take home so I can do it myself each day. Have to go back to see her on Monday morning.  It feels like it is becoming my second home. I wonder should I ask if they do bed and breakfast!!!!!! I can drive again horray! It feels like I have got my freedom back.

I keep asking why did this happen to me? This morning I woke up and it all seemed very clear to me. All these years I have been looking after the mind and spirit and apart from doing the emotional work on the body, I have been ignoring the body. What I mean by that is I have still being eating juke food from time to time. Pushed my body and not given it enough rest.  There have been times when I have had too much alcohol.  If the mind, body and spirit are not in balance then something is bound to give sooner or later and breast cancer is my sooner or later. So now I am being put in a position to learn all of this and have no option but to rest and learn to know when I feel tired and to do something about it; to take care of the body as well.

I laughed this morning at how the Universe tests us. The last two articles I  have written for More to Life were about control and fear. It is as if the universe has now said, “right let us test you on how good you are at putting these into practice”. My getting jumpy as a passenger in a car has made me realise that it was a unconscious response to having no control over this situation. I can do certain things but all the medical treatment, when, where and how are all out of my control.  Fear of course was the one that came to the forefront with the words “you have breast cancer”.  Then I have also had to let go of any control to do with my work. I just had to let go and go with the flow as it were.  I feel as if this might be a turning point in my career, some change coming up, but how it will change I don’t know. Will just have to wait and see. Well you never know my new career might be Boob Flasher. I could design a special uniform to wear. I will have to sleep on it!!!!!

Have been up the hospital once a week for the nurse to see how my breast is coming along. The wound is slowly healing but not quite closed up yet. Have received an appointment for Barts for the X-rays and tattoos.

Yeah the scar is just about closed up now, thank God. I have decided to go ahead this weekend and do the 3 day advanced Theta course. I didn’t know if I would be up to it but as I haven’t even started treatment yet and bored of not been able to do a lot. I though it would do me good to

something interesting. It has been arranged for me to stay in the area so I don’t have to travel back and forth each day.

Today I went to Barts and they asked me a lot of questions again. I was asked to hold a big board with my hospital number on it in front of me while they took a photograph of me. I said I felt like a prisoner. I was told it was for their records to they could make sure they had the right patient each time. I suppose as they are doing radiotherapy they have to be very careful. Then I had lines drawn all over my breast and had lots of X-rays taking. Then they asked if I had ever had any tattoos and I said no. So they said that it would only feel like a needle prick. The two tattoos would be very small and would be permanent. I said that my daughter had said that as today was Buddhas’ birthday  could they give me Buddha tattoo? She just smiles -  I didn’t get them – Just two little dots instead. Then I was taking into another room to have CT scans. They said I would hear from them within two to three weeks with the dates to start my treatment which would be 5 days a week for 3 weeks. Yeah I just feel I now have to put my life on hold again for another about 6 weeks. Frustrating. Still I ask myself would I rather put my life on hold for 6 weeks or be dead. I am sure you know what answer I came up with!!!!!!

Have finally got a date to start my radiotherapy. Thank God for that, at least I now can get on and get my life back again.

A few people have said that on a spiritual level I am going through this for all women. I tell them “well the next time I come back to this planet, I am going to make sure to read the small print in the contract”.

I have written this and showing the photographs because I want all women to know how important it is to check themselves regularly. I have gone through what I have gone through and I check myself daily. There are a lot of women who have gone through a lot worse than I have and then there are those who unfortunately have not survived.  I can not believe how many women do not even check themselves. So please please every woman who reads this make sure to check yourself on a regular basis and impress it on all the women you know. Thank you.

©Daphne Whitehouse 2010

Twenty six years ago I moved from the Northeast to live in Wales with my husband and  twelve year old son. I was leading an average kind of life with my family in Wales but by the Summer of the second year strange things started to happen,. At the time they made no sense to me, But I KNEW that they were an unquestionable truth. People were brought into my life, I KNEW they were there for me in some way, “BUT WHY?”

In the autumn of the second year something very strange happened that would become the focal point for my survival., My husband,  son and myself went for a walk to a local beach. My husband walked on his own and my son and I dallied at a slower pace along the waters edge, collecting small shells.  We had walked for some time engrossed in our task to find the biggest and best shells when out of the blue my son started to run up the beach.  I shouted after him to come back but he kept on running. At about 300 yards or so he came to a dead stop, bent down and picked something up. It was as if he KNEW just what his quarry was, there was no hesitation. It was almost like watching a dog retrieving it’s favourite ball. In one sweeping action he turned and started to run back to me.  He stopped in front of me. I was asking him, “Why did you run up the beach?” I asked but he didn’t answer me. Instead he held out his hand to reveal his precise find. I started to say that the shell that sat on his hand was much bigger then any of the other’s that we had found, “ But how did you find it? ” As I said the words I raised my hand that clasped one handle of the bag of shells. Instead of putting the shell into the bag, he uncurled my fingers and put the shell on the palm of my hand, as he said. “No this shell hasn’t to go in the bag with the others, because this shell is a lonely shell”.  At this point I started to laugh, but the laugh soon fell away as he continued “and when you have to go away, I will be very lonely too”. I was emotionally staggered and shocked. The impact that my son  should ever think such a thing far surpassed a mother’s comprehension.  There are no words to describe what I felt in that moment. I somehow managed to stammer out, “But I will never leave you”. He did not respond. He turned and ran up the beach to his father. I stood for a while with my head reeling.  The call to hurry up broke my thoughts. I put the shell in to the top pocket of my jacket and walked up the beach to my husband and son. I would not see or wear that jacket for approximately another year.

Then the most bizarre thing happened. At the end of another normal day, I went to bed and fell asleep.  That would be the last time that I would sleep in my bed under the same roof as my husband and son.  My life would never be normal again.

Next morning I awoke and I knew I had to leave. Why?  Because, I had to ‘BE’ something and ‘DO’ something.I had no choice.  An unseen, but powerful force was pulling me.

My husband had left for work.  I sat up in bed.  I was overwhelmed with stunned confusion as I moved between KNOWING that I had to leave and KNOWING that I didn’t WANT to leave.  Having no desire to leave the security of home and family, you cannot start to comprehend how bizarre this dilemma was.  When my husband came home from work at 4 p.m. I was convinced that I was going crazy.  He looked at the traumatised mess that stood in front of him, that he no longer recognised as his wife and asked  “what is wrong”?  I told him that I had to leave and BE something and DO something and I couldn’t do it here.  I begged him to help me find somewhere for my son and I to live, until I was better.  I thought we would sit down together and talk it through and it would be ‘all right’.  He didn’t even want to discuss it.  I was told ‘either stay here and love me or leave this house by 10:00 tomorrow morning’.  I had to go.

The next morning at 10.a.m., distraught and thinking I was going crazy, I got into a taxi, with two bags of clothes.  I only had £30.00 in my purse and nowhere to live.  I closed the taxi door as it pulled away.
MY JOURNEY TO YOU, AND THE BREATH OF LIFE, HAD BEGUN.

I lived in Liverpool for four months before coming back to the Northeast. My brother came to meet me at the train station, where passengers spilled out of the doors, me included.  I saw him scanning the crowd for his sister who was immaculately turned out in every way.  As the crowd started to disperse I lost sight of him so I put my bags down and waited.  He walked past me twice. Then, the third time, when I was the only one left on the platform, he turned as I called his name.  I will never forget the look on his face.  He didn’t recognize me.  When he started to recognize that I was his sister, he threw his arms around me and sobbed for the anorexic, dishevelled, lifeless scrap that was now standing before him.  The sister that he was so proud of.  It was in that moment that I realized how lost and ill I had become.

The trauma of being separated from my son ended in my attempted suicide. But this brought the KNOWING that whatever this powerful force was, my son KNEW and understood everything. Within a few days of this the weather turned cold and damp. Another summer over, I thought as I reached in to a black bin-liner of clothes to find the jacket, as yet unworn since my husband dropped  the bag off at my mother’s earlier in the summer. (Considering that he gave all of my possessions to a charity shop, the question has to be asked, why did the few things in the bag survive to be returned to me?) I found the jacket all crumpled, I took it by the hem and gave it a hard shake, hoping to uncrease it.
Something fell to the floor, I looked down to see laying at my feet, THE SHELL.
In some sort of dream state I relived the day on the beach when my son put the shell into my hand and said, “WHEN YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME”. With this came the KNOWING that when I had put everything in place that I had to do, I would be reunited with my son.
It was at this point I said to the invisible force, ‘You lead and I will follow’.  I was led to study Aromatherapy, then Indian Head Massage.  On the course, I met a Reiki Master who was in awe of my energy levels and suggested that I should be attuned.  My attunement to Reiki was the catalyst to the Seven Healing Energies that I channel directly from the Universe now.
They are Light, Sound, Colour, Laser, Bio-Trace Magnetics, Blue Life Water, and Rewind.  I also have a spirit, Dr Alexander.  He is responsible for the remarkable muscular and bone realignments that clients experience in my treatment room.  The energies are all facets of THE BREATH OF LIFE.

When I work with the energies I have no self; I become an empty mirror like vessel, that holds your TRUE reflection, The energies interact with your energy field to facilitate healing and bring balance to Thoughts, Emotions, Physical Pain and Life’s Traumas. There are no Limitations.  
You quickly start to see your life, past and future with clarity “The Light Bulb Moment.” Because you start to see with clarity, think with clarity, You simply let go of emotional trauma, You change the way you act and interact with others. They, then have to change the way they react to you.    
This is CAUSE AND EFFECT, THE NATURAL WAY OF THE UNIVERSE.
My life experience has taught me that who I am and what I do are one and the same.  THE BREATH OF LIFE is why I had to leave.  It changed my life to bring me to you, to work for you.  It is not just a therapy,
it is a LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE! I work one to one,  also “MAKING LIGHT WORK OF LIFE.” meditation courses, and  seminars.

I am now at the start of a new life chapter. It is time to travel the world and make THE BREATH OF LIFE accessible to a larger audience.

To make an appointment to see BETH KELLYphone 01670 789 922. Visit bethkelly.co.uk.

The NEW Faulkner Tarot Deck – The First Modern Photographic Tarot Deck.

Rhiannon Faulkner started receiving messages from spirit about a tarot deck they needed her to produce nearly three years ago. Her guides showed her clear messages of each picture they needed to be re-created, using black and white photographs of everyday life situations.

Rhiannon detailed everything she was shown and passed it onto her friend Natalie Rorie, who is a keen photographer. Rhiannon recalls,” I knew exactly what spirit had shown me, but I was frightened that I couldn’t describe it in enough detail for Natalie to see the same image. I still remember receiving the first CD that Natalie sent me of the photos she had taken. I sat back in utter shock as I realised she had captured the exact images I had seen. Our guides were communicating well together too.”

Rhiannon continued to follow her instructions from her guides and chose to use her husband and children as the main models. She had already been told that it should be called The Faulkner Tarot. Her husband Dave is three of the kings and her children are the pentacles, with her youngest child, Daniel as the 9 Cups.

It only began to dawn on her what a special deck Spirit were creating as the minor arcana – the four suits – started to appear. She says, ” They tell a wonderful story of everyday life and its highs and lows. They enable us to give genuine advice when giving a reading as we can easily relate to problems in our own relationships or careers.”

There was a huge sense of urgency to finish the deck and the accompanying book, that teaches people how to use the deck for themselves. They had me up until about 1am most nights channelling their words for the book, but I just didn know why they needed me to rush. My family were getting frustrated as it seemed to take over my life. When it was finished, I just put it in the kitchen drawer, much to the annoyance of my husband Dave. I didnt have the finances to get it published straight away and we were wondering why they had asked me to do it there and then.”

About six months later, the terrible realisation of why spirit had needed the deck to be completed then dawned on the Faulkner family. Rhiannons husband Dave was diagnosed with Pancreas cancer at the age of 45. After another 6 months had passed, they were given the news that it had spread to the liver and that Dave only had weeks to live. Rhiannon and Dave both realised that spirit had needed pictures of Dave healthy in the deck and that was the urgency to get the deck finished the year before. The deck was still sat in the kitchen drawer and Dave wanted to be able to hold a copy of it in his hands before he died, to give it his seal of approval.

In January 2009, Dave lost his battle to cancer, leaving Rhiannon with their five young children and a huge determination to keep Daves memory alive.

Rhiannon is donating 10% of all profits from the Faulkner Tarot products to her chosen cancer charity each year.

Below are some of the images from The Faulkner Tarot Deck:

But times change and children grow up and I re live these fantastic memories with nostalgic fondness and pride. My boys were great; happy, fun, mischievous, full of life, providing endless entertainment, with their jokes and magic tricks, to all that came across them. But when I think of those younger years I also remember them with some sadness because those years will never come again, and as the saying goes, we can’t “turn the clock back.”

No, we’re into a new era where the boys (still great!) are preparing to flee the nest and start their own exciting journeys into the world. For them, that’s a wonderful prospect; a life full of opportunities to take, freedom to explore and adventure to have. How lucky they are.

For me, I’m about to become a down sized mum, already not needed in the same way, my job description having been re written from its original “You are expected be available 24 hours a day to feed, wash, clothe, play with, and comfort then feed, wash, clothe, play with, and comfort again” to the now “We’ll call you when we need you – thanks” That’s ok boys – I’m proud of your growing confidence and I love to see you so independent, making plans with your friends and I enjoy hearing about your adventures and exploits – well some of them anyway!

However I’m starting to experience a crisis of identity and a feeling that I need to find my own feet again. Who was I before I had my beloved family before I became Mum and left the old world behind? Does the old world still exist? Will I open a door and find everyone from 20 years ago, suspended in time and still partying as if nothing had happened? Can I go back to that point? Do I want to go back to that point?

No, we’ve already established that there’s no going back, this is the time to rediscover ourselves, remember who we are, what we’re good at, what we’ve achieved and what skills we’ve picked up and mastered along the way. We can then write our own “Job description of Me” and plan our own new exciting times. There is life after kids and it can be wonderful and fulfilling. So let’s put ourselves in the dishwasher of life and rediscover ourselves.

So, I’m excited about the prospect of changing times and rediscovery. I’m looking forward to doing new things and meeting new friends. I’m also starting to realise that my nest will never really be empty, my status as Mum will always be the same, it’s just the job description that’s changed. When the boys take flight they will always remember where the safety and support of the nest is and you never know I might also even achieve a tidy one too!!

If you’re about to become a down sized Mum and would like to rediscover the truly fantastic you. Consider the following;

What 3 features do you like best about yourself?

• · Of your life achievements so far which 3 are you most proud of?
• · How would your best friend describe your character?
• · Describe one thing that you enjoyed doing when you were a teenager. What was it that you especially loved about this activity?

By: Joanne Ingham

© Copyright 2009 oanne Ingham

LifeBooster – “Coaching to energise your life”

www.life-booster.co.uk telephone 07873230965

email joanne@life-booster.co.uk

It all started when I was sent a link to a website by a friend of mine who had attended an angel evening event. I had asked her about any advice she could give me as I was about to start running my own angel workshops. However, as I looked at the website I was drawn to a page on Angelic Reiki. Now, I have never been drawn to Reiki, but being very much into the angels, this really appealed to me, so I looked into it further. It felt so right for me, I was very excited about what I read, and I contacted the lady who ran the attunements to find out more.

All that weekend I was so happy, I couldn’t wait to tell people. However, one friend I told, who had seemed quite positive at first, then had a change of heart, started to question it. My friend made some enquiries to a friend of theirs who was also into angels, one thing led to another, and a meeting with them was arranged. A few strange coincidences happened whilst with this lady, even a mention about the lady whom I was intending to have my Angelic Reiki attunement, and the fact that they had actually met before, and had exchanged differences on distantly attuning the Angelic Reiki. I soon came around to the idea that maybe I could have the attunement done distantly, still get the lineage and a certificate that I could use on a professional level, and save myself a few quid in the process, so I agreed to have it done.

It didn’t feel right to me, and I didn’t have the same enthusiasm as I did when I first saw that initial website.  I knew I wasn’t going to experience the hands on participation, or be with likeminded people, but went ahead nevertheless. I arranged to have the attunement done a week after our meeting. The experience itself I will never forget- I did actually enjoy it, as I was connecting with my angels. It was rather like a deep meditation. Initially after the attunement I felt elated, happy and contented; it was only the day after that I knew that something was wrong. I began to ask myself and my angels a few questions. I had, all of a sudden, become very sensitive.

My senses, particularly my hearing and sight were greatly heightened. When I asked the lady questions about how I was feeling, she sent me Usui Reiki manuals, explaining that I should learn the Reiki hand positions. This was just one of the odd pieces of advice I was given, as I knew that the hand positions were completely different, then she asked me to observe a friend of mine doing a healing session, of which this friend does Usui Reiki. This was all wrong to me, and along with the ever increasing feeling of being lost, I felt like I needed to delve more.

I started firstly with the lineage; this led me to an online course from the USA, costing $30! I was outraged. Luckily I hadn’t parted with any cash at this stage, so I delved some more. I found that when I asked more questions, she told me she had attuned me to all the Usui Reiki symbols, which was not what I had asked to be attuned to. This, along with the ever increasing physical and emotional feelings I was getting, was becoming hard to bear. I had this horrible pull on my solar plexus, was emotional, had a feeling of being lost and felt utter dread in the pit of my stomach. I felt like something had changed in me, but I didn’t have a clue what it was, or what to do with it. All I can describe it as, was like being given a driving license, handed the keys to a car and being told to drive, having no previous experience of a car or driving. I was totally lost. Eventually, after asking my angels and others for advice, and trying to shift the feelings I had, I was given an explanation that fitted for me, that made it easier to deal with.

I was told I had been given an overdose of energy. This was like lifting a weight off my shoulders, and from that point I began to understand what was happening to me, and that if it was an overdose of energy then the feeling would soon die down.

Over the coming days, I got myself back in order; I emailed the lady concerned and told her my thoughts and feelings about what had happened, I deleted all the emails she sent me including the certificate, which wouldn’t have been worth the paper it was printed on, and I also emailed the lady whom I originally had intended to attune me. She was very understanding when I explained, and has helped me enormously since.

I can only tell people my experience, but if people can learn from what I went through and stop them from making the same mistake, then that is great. Trust in your initial instinct and stay with it. Obviously, this was a lesson I had to learn, and in hindsight I have gained from it as now I can tell others about the dangers out there, and that if something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing properly. If you do decide to go down the route I did, please do your research, and make sure you know exactly what it is you are being attuned to.

By Jayne Gregory

Faeries can be split up into four main categories that represent our elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water. In each of their elements they are called; Gnomes, Sylphs, Salamanders and Undines respectively. Although there are thousands of types of faeries vary between countries and cultures they always correspond with the four elements. Let’s look at these now;

Gnomes

The Gnomes are the Earth elementals that look after our gardens, gems, crystals, rocks, the sandy beaches and can help us in our material life with our foundations. We each have a household gnome works with us whilst doing daily chores, and home improvements. This is why some things tend to go wrong as the brownies, pixies or goblins like to be slightly mischievous but generally mean no harm. If things go missing, chances are your household gnome moved them. So ask for them back. To connect with your gnome, you could dedicate a small area such as a shelf on a bookcase as an altar. It will preferably be a small space in the kitchen. On here place fallen leaves, a vase of flowers, conkers, pictures of woodlands, trees and perhaps a garden statue of a squirrel and gnome. Write a request to your household gnome for any help you may need for example; help paying your bills, help to locate a missing item, to help you keep on top of the housework, or perhaps to just say thank you for all their help and support. To say thank you place a small gift such as honey, cream, milk, butter or cake. You can be sure that he’ll find it when he does a spiritual tidy up

The Gnomes are the Earth elementals that look after our gardens, gems, crystals, rocks, the sandy beaches and can help us in our material life with our foundations. We each have a household gnome works with us whilst doing daily chores, and home improvements. This is why some things tend to go wrong as the brownies, pixies or goblins like to be slightly mischievous but generally mean no harm. If things go missing, chances are your household gnome moved them. So ask for them back. To connect with your gnome, you could dedicate a small area such as a shelf on a bookcase as an altar. It will preferably be a small space in the kitchen. On here place fallen leaves, a vase of flowers, conkers, pictures of woodlands, trees and perhaps a garden statue of a squirrel and gnome. Write a request to your household gnome for any help you may need for example; help paying your bills, help to locate a missing item, to help you keep on top of the housework, or perhaps to just say thank you for all their help and support. To say thank you place a small gift such as honey, cream, milk, butter or cake. You can be sure that he’ll find it when he does a spiritual tidy up

Sylphs

The air elements look after our atmosphere and encourage our intellect and ideas. When the wind blows through your hair, it is accompanied by the sylphs. We each have a sylph guardian that encourages us to get more fresh air, to change yourself or environment you reside in. They bring you ideas to inspire you in the magickal breeze.

To connect more with these air faeries perhaps place a couple of wind chimes in your window or in places throughout your home in which they can catch the breeze. When they chime, it’s the air elementals way of saying ‘hello, we’re here’. And don’t forget the garden. Place wind chimes and anything to represent air there such as a weather vane, windmill and figurines of birds. Also, feed the birds by hanging a couple of bird feeders around the garden.

Salamanders

The fire faeries remind us of how important it is to cleanse regularly, and devote time to our passions. They are the folk that keep us warm in the cold evenings when we’re cosy by the fire; they are the warm in the sunshine that shines down upon us.

To connect with the salamanders light a candle (remember to be safe) and talk to the spirit within the flame. Write a request for help within areas in your life you need help cleansing. For example; finances, family trouble, career worries etc, and place underneath the candle knowing they will help if they can. To ignite the fire of passion, stare deeply into the flame of the candle and visualise the passion you have deep in your heart (dreams you wish to come true, creativity you wish to express) of being true and present in your life.

Undines

The water elementals, also known as mermaids or mer-faeries are connected with rain, our bathrooms and our emotions. They are the beings that bless us with the privilege to be able to drink fresh clean water daily, and to be able to feed our plants and trees. Undines are depicted as goddess type beings with long flowing hair and fish tails. They inspire us to take a long hot soak, and to beautify ourselves.

To connect to the mermaids, place pictures of them in your bathroom, seashells on the window sill, wear sea shells as jewellery. Talk to them in your mind as you bathe, feel them massaging your aching body and soothing your cares away. You can also have a water feature in your garden or a fish pond.

There are of course some faerie basics;

Feed the birds and stray animals

Never mow the grass until you ask for permission (faeries live in the grass you know!)

Never drop litter

Leave gifts of milk, butter, honey or cake for them as a thank you.

Keep your environment tidy

Always have fun daily

And never step inside a faerie ring

I would love to hear about your experiences with the faeries

By AURORA BRIERLEY the “ANGELIC FAERIE WHISPERER”  © Copyright

http://www.auroraangelicascension.webs.com

The man said, “There are no more Gurus anymore.”

“Gurus,” I replied. “Don’t you mean Heroes?”

He smiled slightly and shook his head. “No, Gurus.”

I just looked blank and bemused.

With the same slight smile he simply said,

“Just stop.

Breathe.

Listen.

Just be.”

Blankness gave way to confusion, to bewilderment and to fear

BUT

I stopped.

I breathed.

I Listened.

I was the moment.

The man said, “There are no more Gurus anymore.”

He was wrong.

I am the guru of myself and I am awakening.

We are the gurus of ourselves and we are awakening

By David Amdurer (5^th March 2008)

davidamdurer@hotmail.com

Why would a BBC Publicist quit her job to talk to unicorns, and why would her Arts Worker friend, do exactly the same? Because they answered the call when it came. It wasn’t by telephone, e-mail or letter, but by simply tuning in to their intuition…

“No-one in our immediate circle could quite get their heads around why we would turn our backs on what were perceived to be quite glamorous well paid careers to work with unicorns” said Lyn.

“The unicorns just arrived in our lives, and asked us to work with them. I’d always had an interest in unicorns and the more mystical side of life, but as I become more and more enmeshed in the worlds of media and music industry, my frequencies grow lower, and the unicorns retreated. So it was with great joy when they returned some twenty years later to give me another chance, for as if out of nowhere the idea for Lunicorn landed in our laps, beginning with the unicorn believe box ”

The business of Lunicorn started in 2005 with a range of unicorn themed meditation kits, created to inspire confidence, boost self-esteem or help bring about change. Now Lunicorn has evolved into a brand which is synonymous with positive thought and self-belief, of which, of course, unicorns are a symbol.

By accident it seemed, Lunicorn was invited to host a variety of ‘Unicorns, Fairies & Wizards’ Childrens workshops, initially at The Burnside Gallery on the Isle of Arran, and then throughout Scotland, and now, by what again would appear to be a number of co-incidences(?), Lunicorn finds itself producing Magical Unicorn Meditations for Children cds. Inspired by the feedback from parents and kids on their workshops, Lunicorn realised that maybe children needed a time and space to listen, imagine and believe that what ever they wanted to happen, actually could, always for the highest good. Many people ask us now, “but how can I contact unicorns?”. The answer is easy, just find a quiet space, and ask. You might be surprised with the results…

Historically, the horn of a unicorn is said to purify the darkest poison, which is probably why so many were hunted across the centuries. Since January 2002, the Tapestry Studio at West Dean College has been working on a recreation of The Hunt of the Unicorn tapestries. Historians studying the reign of James IV believe that a similar series of ‘Unicorn’ tapestries were part of the royal collection. This project is due for completion in 2014.

The unicorn is actually a symbol of Scotland and can be seen in most market squares in cities and towns all over Scotland. Take a look at your passport too! In the late 1300s, King Robert III placed two unicorns on the royal seal, as he loved the qualities of the unicorn i.e. harmony, strength, gentleness. It was only when Queen Elizabeth I died, and James I of Scotland and VI of England became King, that in a diplomatic gesture to unite Scotland and England, he removed one of the unicorns and replaced it with a lion.

Unicorns also possess incredible healing properties of a very high vibration.

“A typical example of unicorn healing is the day I was about to record our first magical unicorn meditations for children cd. We only had a few hours to record on this particular day, and a very good friend was footing the recording bill. That morning, I awakened feeling very unwell with a really sore throat. I went in to have a chat with my spirit guide and for the first time in twelve years, he smiled broadly, and with a sweep of his arm, welcomed a unicorn called ‘Silver’. The unicorn’s horn began to glow and as he walked up to me, he bent his head and pointed his horn at my throat. It felt like it was going right inside my throat, a pure healing light, and my throat chakra started to throb. It was a very emotional experience, and within ten minutes I realised my throat was no longer sore, and I was able to do the recording in one take. I suspect with the help of the unicorns.” said Laura.

Unicorns are here and willing to help. More than that, they actively want to help change this world we inhabit, for the better. Whilst Diana Cooper, Doreen Virtue amongst others are working predominantly with adults, Lunicorn feels its own particular route is with the children. Children believe in unicorns, and have not yet been tarnished with cynicism. Lunicorn’s task therefore is to preserve that wonder, that innocence, that belief that anything and everything is possible by simply believing it is. The girls behind Lunicorn aren’t just talking the talk, they’re actually walking it too, and in so doing, offer an ideal example of the success of creative visualisation and trust in the power of the unicorns.

Check out our website at www.lunicorn.com

If you’re breathing, you have difficulties. It’s the way of life. And believe it or not, most of your problems may actually be good for you! Let me explain. Maybe you have seen the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, the guide was asked an interesting question. “I notice that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful,” a traveler observed.

“Why is this?” The guide gave an interesting answer: “The coral around the lagoon side is in still water, with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, storms – surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life. As it is challenged and tested it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces.” Then he added this telling note: “That’s the way it is with every living organism.”

That’s how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pounded by the sea, we grow. Physical demands can cause us to grow stronger. Mental and emotional stress can produce tough-mindedness and resiliency. Spiritual testing can produce strength of character and faithfulness. So, you have problems – no problem! Just tell yourself, “There I grow again!”

Author Unknown

This inspiring story was kindly sent to us by Adrian Mieras. It really touches the heart to read that despite the problems the world has today, there really are still good, kind people amongst us.

I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His placement counsellor assured me that he would be a good, reliable waiter. I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn’t sure I wanted one. I wasn’t sure how my customers would react to Stevie.

He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features and thick-tongued speech associated with Downs Syndrome. I wasn’t worried about most of my trucker customers because truckers don’t generally care who waits on them as long as the meatloaf platter is good and the pies are homemade.

The four-wheeler drivers were the ones who concerned me; the mouthy college kids travelling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded ‘truck stop germ’; the white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first few weeks.

I shouldn’t have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot.

After that, I didn’t really care what the rest of the customers thought of him. He was like a 21 year old in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a bread crumb or coffee spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table. Our only problem was persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customer was finished! He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he would scurry to the empty table and carefully load dishes and glasses onto his cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a flourish of his rag. If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right and you had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met.

Over time, we learnt that he lived with his mother, a widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their social security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often admitted they had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and Stveie being sent to a group home. That’s why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work.

He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn’t unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months.

A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that hew was out of surgery, in recovery and doing fine.

Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news. Belle Ringer, one of our regular truck customers, stared at the sight of this fifty year old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy beside his table. Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Belle Ringer a withering look. He grinned, ‘OK Frannie, what was all that about?’ he asked…. ‘We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay’ she replied. ‘I wondered where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery about?’

Frannie quickly told Belle Ringer and the two other drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie’s surgery, then sighed: ‘Yeah, I’m glad he going to be okay but I don’t know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear they’re barely getting by as it is’. Belle Ringer nodded thoughtfully and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables. Since I hadn’t had the time to replace Stevie and didn’t really want to replace him, the girls were waiting on their own tables until that day when we decided what to do.

After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face.
‘What’s up?’ I asked
‘I didn’t get that table where Belle Ringer and his friends were sitting cleared off until after they left. Pony Pete and Tony Tipper were sitting there when I got back to clean it off’ she said. ‘This was folded and tucked under a coffee cup’.

She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed ‘Something for Stevie’.

‘Pony Pete asked me what that was all about,’ she said ‘so I told him about Stevie and him Mom and everything, and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they ended up giving me this.’ She handed me another paper napkin that had ‘Something for Stevie’ scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes, shook her head and said simply ‘truckers.’

That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to be back at work.

His placement worker said he’d been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn’t matter at all that it was a holiday. He called ten times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy. I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in the parking lot and invited them both in to celebrate his day back.

Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn’t stop grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and cart were waiting.

‘Hold up there Stevie, not so fast,’ I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. ‘Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate you coming back, breakfast for you and your mom is on me.’ I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room.

I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table…..sitting on dozens of folded paper napkins. ‘First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this mess,’ I said. I tried to sound stern.

Stevie looked at me, and then at his mom, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had ‘something for Stevie’ printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table.

Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking out from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turmed to his mom, ‘there’s more than $10, 000 in cash and checks on that table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about your problems. ‘Happy Thanksgiving.’

Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everyone hollering and shouting and there were a few tears as well.

But you know what’s funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie with a big, big smile on his face was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table. Best worker I ever hired.

Plant a seed and watch it grow.

Author – unknown

Acceptance of what is, is probably the most difficult thing that anyone has to face in their lives.

The enormous struggle to accept what happened to us in the past is magnified by the struggle to accept ourselves. There will always be parts of our psyche and our physical form that we do not like, do not understand, do not appreciate, do not enjoy, parts that we would rather ignore and suppress and hide from others, and from ourselves. In doing this, we short change everyone who comes into contact with us, leaving them a little less full because of the lack of our complete presence. They depart still wondering what they have missed, since you were less than open about who you really are inside. We wear our fear upon our sleeves rather than our Soul essence. Acceptance is a form of healing. And a very powerful one at that.

We cannot change what events took place in our childhood, or even yesterday, but we can change how we perceive them after the fact. Our perception is all that matters. If we can remove the trauma, the pain and suffering associated with the memory of an event, we can heal that event. We cannot alter the event itself because that has now become part of us. What we can do however, is alter our feelings towards it, our perception of it. This is the healing. When we cannot forgive, we hate, we rage, we loathe, we dislike. This internalised emotion against our perpetrators, those that controlled and manipulated and forced us to do their bidding, does in no way affect them. In fact, they are completely and totally oblivious of how their actions impinged upon our life, our being and our Soul.

They may have ignored us, bullied us, smacked us, beaten us, molested us, raped us. Or they could have done any of the above and more to a member of our family. It is not for them we forgive, it is for ourselves alone so we may continue to move through life unencumbered further by the sadness, grief and sorrow that can, in time, become overwhelming and crushing of our being. If we cannot release ourselves from this damming negativity, it has no other place to go but into the body, into the very cells that are designed to keep us alive and well, healthy and functioning.

If we cannot release, it changes who we are inside. We become bitter, resentful and angry, insular and inward looking and very selfish. Close relationships are propelled towards destruction, friendships are damaged, sometimes beyond repair, and people vacate our company making excuses with previously planned engagements rather than face the draining envelope of our negativity. Our despair and misery, pessimism and gloom flows before us like a billowing cloak sucking in all available positive energy in the vicinity. We become energy vampires continually seeking our next fix looking towards others to provide our sustenance rather than tapping in to the universal source. If we cannot release, different forms of illness may develop.

Headaches, aches and pains in the bones, muscles and joints, mental problems, depression, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (ME), chronic Irritable Bowel Syndrome, cancer. If we cannot release, it is then that chronic illness establishes itself with symptoms that inhibit our lives, dramatically limiting our ability to enjoy what life has to offer. There are no easy answers to finding acceptance. Or maybe acceptance of Self is a more appropriate and accurate description.

We are all unique individuals and thus react to these episodes and experiences in a unique way. Those of us that store and hide our emotions in the mental crevices of our mind, looking at them only rarely, if at all, have a more difficult task ahead to search out the solutions we seek to becoming whole once again. These harrowing experiences cause our psyche to split into many pieces and then solicit our subconscious to secrete away the most traumatised parts, locking them away for many years. You see, anger and resentment do not decompose when buried, they merely surface at the most inopportune moments. No matter how deeply these emotions are pushed, no matter how far down they are submerged by us consciously or subconsciously, no matter how hard we try to ignore the beginning eruption of these emotions returning to the surface, to our awareness, they will emerge. They have to.

We can continue to ignore these emotions and these symptoms as the volcano erupts or look at them intently, bravely, and with courage, knowing that the road will be littered with markers and signs along the way whose intention is to divert us from our true path, the path to healing, a path whose destination is the freedom not to feel the pain of holding on. No one said that looking at these difficult emotions is easy.

The cost of non-acceptance is considerable as we stand by and watch as our very Soul and essence wither away, shrivelling up in the exhausting heat of anger and resentment we still hold for our perpetrators and maybe society in general because that is also part of the problem. We have to judge for ourselves which cost we would prefer to pay. An easy life in this moment, putting things off yet again, because this is the easy option but with a life of continual and unresolved torments and fears. Or do we choose to face our fears and experience a few short years of going through the pain and anguish of viewing and releasing the events of our past. In order to make our decision, we must first be willing to change. Change is the only constant in our Universe for without it we cannot grow.

Before we can choose that route however, we must also be willing to seek help from others to assist us in the process of clearing. We cannot do this on our own. For me, I have approached a crossroads in my life. A better description might be a fork in the road as I have realised that I have only two options, two choices laid out before me.

My experience with this illness, with its considerable weight loss (almost 3 stone in 18 months), with its continual churning of the stomach and bowels, has taught me one big lesson. It is no longer in my interest to continue to be what other people want me to be. I need to be me. My cross dressing is. I have to accept that it is. It is there because it has always been part of me, is here now, and will always be part of me in the future. It is there because it is a fundamental part, such a vital part of me, and an essential ingredient of my nature, my psyche, and my personality that it would be impossible to eradicate it. You cannot amputate it like you can a damaged limb. It is not an illness that can be cured. Caren (that feminine ingredient) is part of me. I must accept that she is here now and will be forevermore.

Colin (that masculine ingredient) is also part of me and he is here now and will be forevermore. Being Caren at home and sometimes at church, is no longer enough. Caren is who I am, who represents who I am, who expresses much more of who I am. Caren is the creative part of the partnership and Colin provides the logic. These together are greater than the sum of the parts. That is why, for me, that software design is so easy. I have the best of both worlds. My options then, reside in the quagmire at the fork in the road.

Do I stir the quicksand and watch as I sink deeper falling foul of the wishes and desires of others and shrivelling in the process, my Soul withering like an un-watered plant, the illness staying around for many more months or years, remaining the same or getting worse. Or do I leap across the invisible bridge, having the faith that whatever I do, that bridge will be there to support me and have the courage to become Caren full time. Experience is an essential ingredient of life and of growth.

We are changed because of that experience. Should we choose to ignore our potential and the lessons that are presented to us for our growth, we will become lesser people for that choice, short changing those around us and especially ourselves for we do not learn, do not grow, do not evolve. If we choose to envelope our being in these new experiences, we become better at making wiser choices in the future and becoming less influenced by those people around us who have their own agendas and who have their own needs to shape you into something that they want you to be. This is usually at odds with who you want to be. Of course, I don’t know for sure whether Caren is who I am.

All I know is, at this moment in time, that she expresses me much more fluently and effortlessly. The only way I can be sure, is to be her for an extended period of time. And that means at home, at church, going shopping, at the cinema and at work. Full time. At the time of writing, I am working only half days due the state of my health. That extra half day at home is still not enough to gauge Caren’s future role as it is time spent on my own. To gain the most benefit from the experience, I need to interact with people.

This will obviously mean people who know me as Colin and those people who don’t. Those at the church already accept me no matter the presentation. My mother is less favourable, concerning herself only with what other people will think of her rather than finding ways she can help me. She just ignores it, hoping it will die of its own accord. And for those at work. They have been very helpful as regards part time working but will they be willing to go the extra mile and accept the changes they will have to make.

For some, they see the person, not the clothes. For the others, the adjustment will be difficult as they will have to face a situation that opposes all that they have been brought up to believe. I know, because I live it every day fighting against my own phobias of who I am. It will be an interesting challenge for all concerned. It may be that, that time spent as Caren will resolve most of the issues I have about myself and will enable me to choose the correct path. Of course, I cannot make this decision without spending time experiencing Caren. It is that experience that will change me and help me to break through the shell of the chrysalis to become the butterfly.

By Coran Foddering

We all have an inner child and for a lot of us that child feels lost, lonely  rejected, unloved and very frightened. Most of us have spent our lives criticising and berating that little child – when all that child wants is to be loved unconditionally.

Most of us learnt as children not to express our true feelings. We were constantly told things like ‘don’t be sad’. Oh please don’t cry, calm down, cheer up, don’t be angry, take that smile off your face, be quiet, you keep your mouth shut, speak to when you’re spoken to, don’t be afraid, if you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about’ etc.

And when verbal, physical or sexual abuse were inflicted upon us, a lot of us coped by cutting off from our feelings completely. Consequently a lot of adults find it hard to cope with feelings – their own and other peoples’.

As children, all we want is to love and be loved. To be accepted exactly as we are. However very few of us were given unconditional love and to try and get the love and attention we wanted, we learnt to play games to get it.

Typical games with roles such as;

•    The Pleaser
•    The Rebel
•    The Driver
•    The Layabout
•    The Victim
•    The Rescuer
•    The Rationaliser
•    The Manipulator
•    The Persecutor/Blamer

For a lot of us, when we tried everything and still felt unsafe and unloved, we then built a large wall around ourselves to protect our hurt inner child. Then as adults we wonder why our lives don’t work. The inner child can cause havoc in our lives and we need to learn what games that inner child is playing and to learn to love that inner child. When we didn’t express our true emotions, those emotions are still being held in the body. We need to find out what feelings we have buried from the past and release them.

The more we learn to love ourselves and that inner child, the more we can allow ourselves to get in touch with these blocked feelings. Once we release these blocked emotions we find we become our true selves, we get in touch with the power within, the greatest potential within each of us. We have learnt these behaviours so well as children that as adults we carry on this behaviour on an unconscious level unaware of how we are causing the havoc in our own loves. It is just like when you are first learning to type, you are aware of the home keys and which finger you use to press which key. However, when you have learnt to type, you do it unconsciously without thinking about it. In fact, if someone were to ask you which finger you use to press the letter C, you would have to stop and look before you could tell them, yet you do it all the time without thinking. You have learnt it so well you do it unconsciously. So it is with the games learnt as children.

THE REBEL decides the best way to get attention is to go against the norm – to stand out in the crowd. Although this gets them attention it is usually not ‘good’ attention, however even bad attention is better than no attention at all.

THE PLEASER -     learns to do just that – to please everyone but not themselves. They say ‘yes; when they really want to say ‘no’ because they are afraid they will upset the other person and that person won’t like them any more. They continually do things that they don’t want to do just to please the other person. They get their needs met by other people liking them. However after years of this behaviour they can lose their own identity and end up not knowing what they want from life.

THE DRIVER – grows up feeling not good enough and is always seeking that love and attention mainly from their parents. They are striving to achieve more and more. Better qualifications, better job, better home, better car etc. There is nothing wrong with this if that is what people want and let’s face it most people do. However, with the driver they are doing it to prove to others that they are good enough. When people who are drivers realise the game they are playing they often admit that they didn’t really want all those qualifications, that they were just trying to prove themselves to others, especially their parents. The ‘i’ll show them’ syndrome.

THE LAYABOUT – or sometimes known as the lazy layabout. This person has usually tried all the other behaviours and didn’t get the love or attention that they needed to they decide ‘what’s the use?’ and give up on life. They drop out of school or college and become unemployed. They are the ones who lay about on the settee all day watching TV and forever saying that they are bored.

THE VICTIM – many children learn to become a victim. They get their needs met by other people taking care of them. They feel they can’t take responsibility for themselves. It’s the ‘poor me’ syndrome. They feel helpless and look to blame others for everything that goes wrong in their loves. When other people try to help them, they always come up with excuses for not taking responsibility such as ‘yes but’ and ‘I can’t do that’.

THE RESCUER – gets their needs met by taking care of others. They rush in to try and solve others’ problems and look after them. This keeps them from looking at their own problems. They do things for the other person rather than show the person how to do things for themselves. This keeps the other person stuck so they can keep looking after them. The rescuer is actually a victim in disguise.

THE RATIONALISER – learnt at an early age to cut off from their feelings and go into their head to figure things out. This is their protection from feeling emotions. However, they are likely to attract people to them that display the emotions that they are holding onto. These people will press their buttons to get them in touch with their buried emotions. When they allow themselves to express those emotions they won’t have the need to attract these people into their lives.

THE MANIPULATOR – gets what they want by manipulating the situation to their own advantage. They don’t ask for what they want directly. They can get very upset when the other person doesn’t fall into the trap and then they accuse the other person of being selfish.

THE PERSECUTOR/BLAMER says nothing is ever their fault. They always pass the blame onto another person or thing. It is much easier for them to do this than to take responsibility for their own actions. The game that is played most of all in any type of relationship is the victim, rescuer, persecutor/blamer and this is how it works.

As I said before, the Victim needs someone to look after them and the Rescuer needs someone to look after. This way they both get their needs met. So the Victim invariable attracts a Rescuer to them. This arrangement works well for a certain length of time and then the Rescuer gets pissed off with putting their own life on hold all the time and they move down to the position of Persecutor/Blamer and start blaming the Victim for everything going wrong in their life. The Victim then becomes very uncomfortable with this as they don’t want to lose the Rescuer so they then move into the position of Rescuer themselves. This makes the Persecutor/Blamer feel better and they then move into the position of Victim. Now the roles have become completely reversed. The one who started off as the Rescuer has now become the Victim.

This strange triangle continues endlessly until one person wakes up to the fact of what is going on (sometimes they never wake up). This person will then decide to leave the relationship or will decide to stay in the relationship and break the chain anyway.

If they decide to stay in the relationship it can take all of their strength and courage to change this situation, however it can be done.

This is why it is so important to learn to communicate with the Inner Child and discover what games we are playing and learn more healthy ways of getting the love and attention that we want and getting our needs met. A healthy emotional inner child creates a healthy emotional adult.

We find as we learn to love ourselves and the inner child, others treat us with love and respect. We start to take responsibility for our loves and we start to create the life we have always wanted for ourselves.

Article by Daphne Whitehouse
0208 531 3441
www.daphnewhitehouse.com

Other articles by Daphne include;

Compassion

Anger

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why not visit Daphnes website and buy her CD?

www.daphnewhitehouse.com