Most people want to move forward in some direction in their life, the problems usually come when they need to change something to enable the forward movement to happen. Changing your life involves an initial need to change yourself; it can’t be done just by trying to change the circumstances you find yourself in. Even if you have an outside influence which forces changes upon you, such as illness or being made redundant, the change begins with ‘I’ not ‘it’. This recognition often operates the ‘rabbit in the headlight’ feeling, as if you are not able to do anything – just staying where you are through a feeling of fear, being judged and not supported or some other general insecurity. Remember
‘Fear is an emotional reaction; it is there to remind you that you are doing something you have never tried before. Once you have interacted with your fear it will never feel as fearful again. Fear can only hold you in its power if you allow it to’.
When we try to change our life’s positions, whatever they are, we need to carefully think first about what we would like to change, this sounds silly as we may know what we want to change, but change is a process. Do you know where the beginning, middle and end of the process are? Is it accessible in a one hot format, or will there be many steps? Are you already some way along those steps or are you starting from scratch? It might be, for instance, that you want to change your career. In order to do that you may need to retrain in some way, so the change you want will not be available until that retraining starts. In this case you need to break the required change down to its individual parts and then start changing those aspects first.
The problem with most changes is that the change you want to happen seems so big on its own that it can never happen, you can’t even get started, so breaking it down into bite size chunks is more accessible and more productive.
Another aspect of restriction to change is that the people around you may not be happy with that change, or that might be what you perceive, perception is usually not reality, only a partial aspect of it. It is the way we walk and communicate to the people around us which results in whether they will help or hinder our path. If the words we use or the way we say them communicates then we will change and move away from them, they will usually feel insecure in our proposed change or how they perceive the effect of the change, and how it might affect them.
Most people who find it hard to change will be people who give to others most of the time, they will usually find it hard to find time to look at or think about what they want for themselves. When they do, they will often withdraw from actual change because of their perception of other people’s feelings or needs
When you talk to your significant other about your needs, do you state what you want calmly, confidently and positively or do you say it sheepishly or matter-of-factly without conviction? For many of you that are reading this, it will be the latter, as people who can make change happen are usually more focused on their needs than others and see change as a natural part of life, which it is. They have no fear or trepidation about change.
People constantly ask me ‘when will I know when I am on the right path?’ I can only tell you how it was for me. When you start on the right path for you, your journey of change, then you will find it moves without the need for lots of effort. If you are going forward in the right way it will be like;
‘Swimming with the tide, everything will just flow; when you are not going forward it will be like swimming against the tide’.
The process of change is never an easy one for most people who care about others, the world etc but the contentment, calm and ‘being at one with you’ is always worth the effort. If you truly want to change then don’t delay, start at this moment and work the process. Always remember, as a very wise person said, that every journey starts with a single step and each step gets you nearer your goal. So begin your change by starting to communicate your needs and eat that elephant one bite at a time.
By Ian Wallace
Seeking Change www.seekingchange.co.uk
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