More To Life Magazine

There is much said about the power of forgiveness in transforming our lives, and it is true that forgiveness is a wonderful and positive thing but what do you do when you have been through something so terrible that you feel you just cannot or are not ready to forgive?

This is a problem that is faced by many. One abuse survivor once told me that she had read a book on forgiveness and found the whole concept of forgiving her abuser offensive but at the same time also felt that she was hampering her own personal growth by being unable to move on. What does someone in this situation do? the answer is – learn to let go.

Letting go is all about freeing yourself from the power that a person or situation from the past has over you.  If you are spending a great deal of time focusing on what has happened in the past you are not fully in the present. When we are holding onto rage and anger it drains our energy and takes away our power.

If you are in this situation now just imagine what positive things you could achieve in your life if you could use this energy for your own good. Imagine the freedom of no longer having the past like a millstone around your neck, slowing you down and holding you back. Letting go is about taking  back our power and moving forward in our life.  By recognizing the negative effect that holding onto these feelings is having on your present and deciding to release them for YOUR own good you can choose to release your attachment to the past, you can refuse to let it affect your present. Very often this simple realisation is the first step.

It is important to acknowledge what has happened to you but it is also important to acknowledge that it is in the past, it cannot be changed but your life, now, can. Consciously choose to live for now rather than letting your past affect you. If it is a person that you are directing your thoughts and energy towards then make the decision now that thinking of this person has used enough of your energy.

Recognise what you have learnt from the past that you can use for positive means in the future, has whatever happened made you stronger or wiser ? – you can bet it has even if you don’t feel like it at the moment!

There are many tools that you can use to help you in healing and letting go. Two of the most effective are affirmations and visualization , when you find yourself dwelling on past hurts  try  saying one of the following affirmations:

• I take back my power, the past has no power over me.
• I release the past and embrace the future
• My past has made me strong I now move on

You can also write your own affirmations, just remember to make them positive and word them in the present. Affirmations work to re-program the way you thing through repetition so for optimum effect also try to say them morning and evening.

Visualization works in a similar way and is often used by athletes in training. You can mentally practice your new positive behavior -picture how you will talk, act and look when the past is no longer controlling your present. Another powerful visualization is to picture yourself literally cutting the ties to your past.

Positive changes that usually result from letting go are increased energy and focus, a growth in confidence and decreased stress levels.

Above all remember that you deserve to live your life without being held back by your past. You have the power to release the past and get what you want out of your future.

By: Lucy Hill