More To Life Magazine

How many of us have ever asked the big questions in life: “Who am I?” What makes me tick? What do I believe about life and myself?” and how these unanswered questions affect all aspects of life, work, relationships, friends and family. “What are my values, my needs, and what do I actually feel? What am I doing with my life?” How many look into the mirror, stare into their own eyes and wonder what it is that we hope to see as we look back at ourselves? Is it the way of the truth, or is it the way of the other person’s truth?

It is said that the eyes are the mirror of the soul, so as you look into your own soul’s mirror, take a good look and ask yourself what you see. Is the light in your eyes diminished because your soul lies dormant and un-awakened to the truth of your life? Is your life force ebbing away? Many people often find it easier not to ask questions, but to continue with a ‘half-life’ because they believe that if they start to ask these big questions, they will possibly find out that the life they have chosen to continue with will have to change. Change, to most people, is the scariest thing imaginable. Most people would rather live a life of misery, darkness and abuse (that could include self-abuse) than contemplate change. They usually think that if they change then that lets everyone else off the hook, and they themselves are in some way defective for having chosen to continue to live a half-life.

Once it dawns on them that something isn’t working, they would have the potential to feel alive, loving, contented, happy and prosperous. However, if they decide the only way to live is to manipulate circumstances to compensate, they merely paper over the cracks – unconsciously of course, telling themselves lies so they don’t feel vulnerable, and then go about setting up coping strategies such as over-eating, under-eating, alcohol, drugs, excessive shopping sprees, running up debts and credit, and entering into bad relationships, including family and work relationships and so-called romantic relationships. Turning to obsessive behaviour and controlling and policing themselves as a way of feeling less vulnerable, they become their own abusers rather than getting to know themselves. So we come back to the original questions: Who am I; how can I get to know myself; how can I get to know this unique person, and how can I be all that I can be and achieve personal happiness?

When you actually bear in mind that the only person you will have the longest relationship with is yourself, you will need to consider how you can accommodate this very special relationship and how can you meet this person’s needs. A good way forward is to nurture a loving relationship with yourself. Once achieved, you then begin to come alive, because you are coming alive to the reality of your life, so you  can create your truth, not someone else’s truth passed down to you by proxy.

When you begin to seek out defective beliefs such as not being good enough, or being unlovable or whatever it may be that set you off on the road to the dark side, you can then go about seeking out who told you this garbage that you have held onto like a precious gift for so many wasted years, and once you have exposed the culprit or culprits, you can go about challenging those beliefs. Such defective beliefs given to you so long ago that it became part of who you are, stay trapped in the unconscious mind and become part of your magnificent computer – your brain, hard-wired so that you are never allowed to feel good about yourself or any aspect of your life.

Negative internal voices, negative feelings and harrowing, negative visions, become your partners in crime, allowing your life to become a drama inviting other people to join you in your drama to ensure that the defective programming remains hard-wired until the day you die.

How sad is that? All of us, walking around programmed to believe we are not good enough, unlovable, thick, useless or disposable, yet with some of us clinging to the hope that someone on a white charger would one day make life better or take us away from it all, only to invite more abuse to verify the programming.

In order for us to successfully overcome such set-backs in life, our unconscious mind holds the key: Our formative years are so important, for we are ‘learning machines’. We learn about love and our place in the world from our parents and significant others, and retracing our early life and uncovering the lessons we were taught by significant others in our life, is all-important. If you were rejected in some way by a parent, or abused, then your self-worth will be affected and your likely belief will be that “I am unlovable”. You will be programmed to bring about that reality by making sure that during the course of your life, you enter into relationships that will cause you rejection and pain.

All is not lost! Just ask: “What do I believe about myself?” Help is available to change the way you think and feel about yourself. Help for you to learn how you can live a good life; a life filled with self-love, self-respect and a healthy respect for those around you. Remember that you are powerful beyond imagination, and you are capable of creating your own heaven or hell, so make your life a life worth living, and regain the power over your life in the best possible way. It’s never too late to make the changes, because you are worth it!

By: Violet Norman

The “Know Yourself” workshop, together with a range of self-help and other courses are held throughout the year by Violet Norman at her therapy centre at Eden House in Pembrokeshire, West Wales. Full details can be found by visiting Violet’s website at www.eden-house.net and you can get in touch by telephoning the Centre on 01239 841499, or by e-mail to: -violet.light@yahoo.co.uk